Restlessness

I asked God so many questions,

I think he’s ignoring me now.

“When? Where? Who? Help?”

….

“Oh, ye of little faith.

It’s already done. Good night.”

 

Imminent

Hanging off the cliff of forever

Averting my gaze toward the Heavens

in hopes that the Savior will

outstretch his wounded hands

and deliver me from falling into

the murky abyss of the future.

Am I not God’s child?

Worthy of being saved from

the thing that frightens me most?

Surely, He won’t let me descend into

the depths of uncertainty-

of the inevitable…

Not alone?

Right?

inamorato

Remember the moment

our souls intertwined?

The very second your life

and my life morphed beautifully

together into one?

We collided so quickly.

Five seconds:

Eye contact.

Hand shake.

Introduction.

So unremarkably remarkable.

Yet your spirit’s essence will

linger forever in all the

passageways of my heart.

 

My always,

my ever-after,

we’re one.

I built me up

Brick by brick

Until I reached

where my dreams lie.

There are mountains

& valleys

I’ve conquered,

that almost didn’t try.

I’ve changed,

& you’ve noticed.

I’ve grown,

& it’s showing.

I had to take a few

steps back,

to make any progress.

I’ve had to cry,

and let love die,

just to see promise of success.

Who knows where I’m going?

Who knows what’s next?

It’s just taken a lot,

for me to finally give my best.

 

Up in Flames

I keep sending myself up in flames,

crucifying myself & its all in vain.

I keep pushing myself toward the edge,

trying to wake up,

when I know I’m dead.

 

So where to now?

Gotta do something, but how?

Here I am, under fire…

can’t even save myself,

Consumed by all the flames,

only to blame myself.

 

Who is this girl, roaming around my mind?

Trying to wake me up,

telling me I’m fine.

She’s saying we have a life to live, plans–

But I don’t see the point.

She wanted to move forward,

& I’m stuck & annoyed.

 

Why won’t the smoke clear?

I just want to breathe.

I’m trapped by myself-

I won’t let me leave.

Sanity

white washed walls 

in the back

in the pit of my thoughts

somewhere behind the chaos

behind the noise

somewhere next to serenity

keeping warm 

close to the burning of my desires 

shifting through all my disappointments

clinging to what’s left of my dreams, 

 

Good On My Own

I hoped you wouldn’t fall off ,
I hoped I wouldn’t miss you,
I prayed to God that you’d still be there to vent to,
Lessons learned in a timely manner,
I enjoyed the time we had,
Burning questions still searing deep inside,
But you’re happy so I’m glad.

What’s the use of trying,
If your work goes unappreciated?
I was willing to do more than you know,
And now I think about it,
I hate it.

Giving and giving,

what’s the use in all that?

When you get so little in return-
Five course meal to get scraps.

Moving on is easy now,
After all I’ve been through.
Heart aches and wasted time…
My, what a year can do.

Tested limits and fears faced,
Needless to say I’ve grown.
So you didn’t really hurt me.
I’m good on my own.

Random Little Love Poem

Here is my heart. 

I lay it on the line for you. 

You’re my special darling, 

my sunshine and my moon. 

I’m terrified of the sacrifices we must make,

scared shitless by the chances we take.

I know it’s worth it, 

Because I know what this is.

It’s Love…

Because that’s all that I feel.