quickly.
What happens when your focus runs out?
When your confidence turns to doubt?
Then all of a sudden your motivation is gone,
and you’re stuck in the darkness,
the lights won’t turn on.
You’re trying but it seems in vain.
You trip and get up,
only to fall again.
Who’s watching?
Who’s counting?
Who’s taking note?
Watching you drown,
as you try to stay afloat.
You’re better than this and you know it,
But you’re trying to remember why you began.
All while wondering when it’s gonna end.
You know what I’ve found these past few years is the hardest thing to do?
Surrendering myself to God.
But why? Why is that so difficult? The creator of the universe, the earth and all its in habitants- the most powerful force ever. Yeah that statement might ruffle some feathers, but that is my belief and this is my blog so, *shrugs*. Moving on–
It shouldn’t be hard to succumb to something of that magnitude, right? But it is. There is this little thing called “free will”. That’s where everything gets tricky and very difficult. Here we are, the most advanced species on Earth. We can do what we want, create and destroy as we please. It’s easy to get caught up in that- being able to live how we want. We have our own plans, and forget that there is a master plan. There is a plan that keeps everything moving and ticking the way the should. But, what way is it suppose to be moving, if not in the direction we want it to? In God’s direction, and that is a very hard direction to follow when you know you can do what you want and plan your life the way you want it to happen. Yet, all I’ve learned from trying to plan and force things to go my way, is heartbreak. Yup! That’s it. Heartbreak.
Now, God, I believe, doesn’t want to see us hurt. He doesn’t want to see his children cry and feel lost and disappointed. No, but I believe that is the best way for us to learn our lessons. Just like our parents. They don’t like to see us hurt when things don’t go our way, but they let us hurt a little so that we can learn from it, and prayerfully, move on.
When we try to take too much control from him– try to make things go in a way in which he hasn’t designed them, he has to take back control, and sometimes that hurts. Our individual life plans are apart of a bigger picture. We’re just one piece of the puzzle! Everything is intertwined and works together. There are chain reactions, domino effects, and so on and so forth– I’m starting to ramble >.<
Anyways, what I’m trying to say is… I still have plans, but I’m doing my best to let God move and work in my life so that he can bless me with all the wonderful things I know in my heart that he has for me. Its so hard, and I knew it would be. I’m a little bit of a control freak. I gotta let go, and let God. As corny as that sounds, it’s true. Things lately, though on the surface, have been fantastic- 20 years young, apartment, car, still in school, grades are good, family is healthy… Yet, I’m feeling a little…. strange, and I know I’m missing something, and I’ve been trying in vain to figure out what it is. But, it only makes me upset when I can’t figure it out. So! I’m just gonna keep praying, and let God fill in all the gaps. Having faith at this stage in my life is so challenging, but it’s also very important. I’m just going to slow down, and enjoy all these little blessings (and the big ones too!). Take some of this pressure off myself because things aren’t happening exactly how I want them to. God delivers EVERYTHING right on time. I wholeheartedly believe that.
I know I haven’t posted in a long time. An update is coming soon, I promise. Thank you for being patient and staying subscribed.
Xoxo,
Mia
Dear Lord,
Where is my motivation?
…
Anyway, I’ve sadly neglected my poor blog for way too long because I’ve been trying to get back into the groove of things. I’m tryna make big things happen in 2013 for me!! I’ve felt idle for too long and it’s finally driven me insane. Hopefully, I don’t overload myself with work, but I’m looking for a healthy balance.
School is school. Felt like I never left… minus the new classes and professors. I’m a little scared, as well as a little enthusiastic about what this school year has to bring. I’m just trying to get things in order so that I can start being the productive member of society I know I can be.
Pray for me.
But I will start back into the routine of posting on here again. I’m working on some new music, there’s some poetry I’ve yet to post on here– big things, folks, big things. Stay tuned!
Onward 