Let’s Talk: What I’ve Learned

I just thought I would take the time and talk about my life at this point, since I haven’t in a while. I know these posts are usually unimportant- they don’t get a lot of “likes” or anything. I don’t even know if anyone reads these, but I do them, mostly, for me. You are welcome to keep reading. You never know, you might learn something.

I have just completed the first semester of my junior year of college. Five semesters of college completed. Three more to go. That’s really hard to wrap my mind around! I’ve been sitting up here reminiscing, looking at pictures from high school. Just in awe that in a couple years, I’ll be in law school. I looked up and friends are getting engaged and having babies– like, seriously, real life starting FAMILIES. It’s crazy. The girls I called “big sisters” in high school have houses, and husbands, degrees and careers. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and how far my friends have come. I’m really blessed with like minded, motivated individuals in my life.

I just remember thinking about how excited I was in high school to graduate and go to college. I just knew college was going to be everything I ever wanted and more. School has always been my thing. Good grades; getting involved. All that. I remember how I knew things would be difficult. But OH MY GOD, I didn’t know they would be THIS difficult. I can say in all honesty that being an adult is OVERRATED. Yes, yes, I love the freedom and I’m proud of my accomplishments thus far, but things were so simple once upon a time. My senior year of high school was the golden year of my life. I had a car, school at that point wasn’t easy, but it was routine; I had a boyfriend that loved me, my parents were super proud, college acceptances were rolling in and I was gearing up for graduation! Life was beautiful!

On my 18th birthday, I simultaneously: legally became an adult, moved out my house, and started college. ALL IN ONE DAY. My 18th birthday was freshmen move in day at school. So life changed in 24 hours, and it hasn’t been the same since. You quickly learn that college isn’t just about classes and learning from books… oh no. College is 75% learning important lessons about LIFE in general from your mistakes. Whether those mistakes be in school, in your love life, or dealing with people in general. College gives you a four year PASS to screw up and learn from it before you have to go out in the real world and screw up and no one is there to help you! I’ve run into some of the most backwards thinking, selfish, intolerant, rude, self-centered, disorganized, unprioritized (this isn’t a word, I know), dishonest people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in the last 3 years of my life. I’ve called these people friends and, sadly, “boo” lol.

Now this isn’t a rant meant to rag on college or even the people I’ve encountered. Oh no… this is actually me stopping and taking the time to account for all of my blessings. I’ve learned so much about life and more importantly about myself even just in this semester of school! It was like turning 20, opened my eyes up a little bit. It was a small wake up call. I realized that I wanted more than what I was getting out of life. I was settling. Turning 20 made me realize that I’m “in my twenties”. That phase of life began for me, and I want to make the most of it! I’m young, I’m talented, I’m educated, I’m motivated and I’m stubborn and I don’t take “no” for an answer. So as I sat and thought about how awesome my high school experience was, I realized that I’m not doing all I can to make my 20s and my college years (what’s left of them) even more awesome! It’s my time to work hard and play hard.

So this semester this is exactly what I did, and y’all…

I’m exhausted! I’m happy, and I’m exhausted. I haven’t accomplished everything I set out to accomplish this year, but I’m getting there. It’s a work in progress. I plan on working even harder and playing even harder in 2015 because all I have to say is… 21st birthday. I’m trying to make good grades, make some money, and have a good time somewhere in between. Needless to say, I don’t sleep much, but that’s okay! I sleep well in those little 4-5 hours when my bills are paid and my GPA is   a 3.5+. I’m blessed beyond measure. Sure, life isn’t as easy as it once was and there are some things that get me down along the way, but I just try to learn from them and keep pushing. I know there’s a plan for me, and my future is so bright if I just keep living and learning and loving the way God intended me to. So on that note, this semester has been the craziest thus far. So much happened, good and bad, but I’ve taken a lot away from it all.

I’ve learned that this life is what you make it to be. Your outlook on it is everything. Make it to be exactly what you want it to be or close to it. It’s your life and your happiness. Only you depend on it, so make it beautiful! 

Finals Week

What happens when your focus runs out?

When your confidence turns to doubt?

Then all of a sudden your motivation is gone,

and you’re stuck in the darkness,

the lights won’t turn on.

You’re trying but it seems in vain.

You trip and get up,

only to fall again.

Who’s watching?

Who’s counting?

Who’s taking note?

Watching you drown,

as you try to stay afloat.

You’re better than this and you know it,

But you’re trying to remember why you began.

All while wondering when it’s gonna end.

*Not for the Religiously Intolerant

You know what I’ve found these past few years is the hardest thing to do?

Surrendering myself to God. 

But why? Why is that so difficult? The creator of the universe, the earth and all its in habitants- the most powerful force ever. Yeah that statement might ruffle some feathers, but that is my belief and this is my blog so, *shrugs*. Moving on–

It shouldn’t be hard to succumb to something of that magnitude, right? But it is. There is this little thing called “free will”. That’s where everything gets tricky and very difficult. Here we are, the most advanced species on Earth. We can do what we want, create and destroy as we please. It’s easy to get caught up in that- being able to live how we want. We have our own plans, and forget that there is a master plan. There is a plan that keeps everything moving and ticking the way the should. But, what way is it suppose to be moving, if not in the direction we want it to? In God’s direction, and that is a very hard direction to follow when you know you can do what you want and plan your life the way you want it to happen. Yet, all I’ve learned from trying to plan and force things to go my way, is heartbreak. Yup! That’s it. Heartbreak.

Now, God, I believe, doesn’t want to see us hurt. He doesn’t want to see his children cry and feel lost and disappointed. No, but I believe that is the best way for us to learn our lessons. Just like our parents. They don’t like to see us hurt when things don’t go our way, but they let us hurt a little so that we can learn from it, and prayerfully, move on.

When we try to take too much control from him– try to make things go in a way in which he hasn’t designed them, he has to take back control, and sometimes that hurts. Our individual life plans are apart of a bigger picture. We’re just one piece of the puzzle! Everything is intertwined and works together. There are chain reactions, domino effects, and so on and so forth– I’m starting to ramble >.<

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is… I still have plans, but I’m doing my best to let God move and work in my life so that he can bless me with all the wonderful things I know in my heart that he has for me. Its so hard, and I knew it would be. I’m a little bit of a control freak. I gotta let go, and let God. As corny as that sounds, it’s true. Things lately, though on the surface, have been fantastic- 20 years young, apartment, car, still in school, grades are good, family is healthy… Yet, I’m feeling a little…. strange, and I know I’m missing something, and I’ve been trying in vain to figure out what it is. But, it only makes me upset when I can’t figure it out. So! I’m just gonna keep praying, and let God fill in all the gaps. Having faith at this stage in my life is so challenging, but it’s also very important. I’m just going to slow down, and enjoy all these little blessings (and the big ones too!). Take some of this pressure off myself because things aren’t happening exactly how I want them to. God delivers EVERYTHING right on time. I wholeheartedly believe that.

I know I haven’t posted in a long time. An update is coming soon, I promise. Thank you for being patient and staying subscribed.

Xoxo,

Mia

Sophomore Year of College

Dear Lord,

 

Where is my motivation? 

…

 

Anyway, I’ve sadly neglected my poor blog for way too long because I’ve been trying to get back into the groove of things. I’m tryna make big things happen in 2013 for me!! I’ve felt idle for too long and it’s finally driven me insane. Hopefully, I don’t overload myself with work, but I’m looking for a healthy balance. 

School is school. Felt like I never left… minus the new classes and professors. I’m a little scared, as well as a little enthusiastic about what this school year has to bring. I’m just trying to get things in order so that I can start being the productive member of society I know I can be. 

Pray for me.

 

But I will start back into the routine of posting on here again. I’m working on some new music, there’s some poetry I’ve yet to post on here– big things, folks, big things. Stay tuned! 

Guyyys…

Do you know what sucks? 

 

Trying to find a job.

 

Do you know what sucks even more? 

 

Trying to find a job and you’re 18 with barely any work experience. 

With no experience, people don’t hire you. But you know what happens then… you’re unemployed and it’s a vicious cycle because with no one hiring you, how are you supposed to gain experience? 

I’m just a little frustrated at the moment, because I hate not having a job. I don’t like sitting around my parents’ house and doing nothing during the summer. Not cool. The only job offers I’m getting are sales rep jobs– as in selling or marketing some product. With those jobs, it’s hard to make a steady income. I like structure, unlike a lot of kids. Set hours and pay. Plans. Goals. Schedules. I operate that way even when I’m working creatively. I don’t know. A job is a job and maybe I should just suck it up and go for it, but I also don’t want to be uncomfortable or unhappy. 

 

Help?

Epiphany

Okay, so like most kids of my generation, and I hate to admit this, but I can be incredibly blind to my blessings. My problems can most adequately be described, as we call it, “first world problems”, which really aren’t problems at all. 

Let’s have a run down of my stupidity, shall we? 

1- I had packed up and moved home for summer vacation (post soon to come about my first year in college). A few days before I had to come home, my family got the news that my great-aunt (my granny’s sister) had passed away. I didn’t really know her that well. I remember vaguely meeting her once when we travelled to Chicago when I was very young, probably 10+ years ago. My mom comes down to New Orleans to help me move back home on a thursday. I had everything packed up and ready to go. She had planned to stay in New Orleans until Saturday, her birthday, but with everything going on back home, such as my grieving grandmother, and trying to plan a trip to Chicago, we decided to leave that friday. I was very angry about leaving that early. Thursday night before I knew we were leaving earlier than planned, I made plans with a friend that happens to be a boy that I like very much and I was devastated that I wouldn’t get to see him one more time before I left. Of course, my mother hadn’t yet been informed of my plans so I knew I couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know; she only knew she had responsibilities to attend to at home. So in the midst of my pouting and anger, we were driving to breakfast, when I saw people on a bench on the side of the road under an overpass, sharing a blanket. Then I had my epiphany. I felt so stupid and selfish. I had just completed my freshman year in college, packed up all my luxuries, spent the night in a swanky hotel, and had to drive my vehicle back to my comfortable house. Oh…. the agony…. *straight face and all sarcasm intended*. I realized that I had nothing to be upset about! That with all the blessings surrounding me, that one little mishap in my plans, didn’t really mean anything. Yeah, I wanted to see this special person, but I knew I was coming back to either visit in the summer, and definitely in August when school starts back. I had nothing to complain about. 

2. Last night the charger to my MacBook Pro stopped working, and something about spending $80 on a charger REALLY irked me. Then it dawned on me, once again. I’m fortunate enough to have the money to pay for it, not to mention to even have a laptop I needed to plug up. So yes, as much as it angered me, I paid $80 for the darn charger. 

It’s amazing what we take for granted. Instead of getting angry about the things we can’t have or the things we have to do, we should just marvel in the blessings we’ve already received. I should be grateful for all the time I did get to spend with that special guy before I left, that I had a home and family to go back to, that I have certain luxuries that some people aren’t fortunate enough to have. Just remember to see the silver lining. You woke up this morning didn’t you?

“Every man has …

“Every man has his own destiny; the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him.”- Henry Miller

Crazy things happen to all of us. The best thing we can do is to accept those things as apart of our destiny. Take for example, the movie Slumdog Millionaire. Everything that happened to Jamal was all leading up to a bigger picture. He had a hard life, but those trials only helped him to succeed. Let’s take every trying time, every stupid mistake, every risk we took, as a learning opportunity. It’s already written. Just accept it. 

Looking back at some of the choices I’ve made, some of them, eehhh… weren’t so great. I could have been smarter, but hey, I’m a freshman in college. It’s natural to mess up, and I have a whole hell of a lot of learning to do. But I’ve accepted those choices AND their consequences, and I’ve moved on and let them make me a better, wiser person. 

Life lessons, my friends, life lessons. Learn and accept.

“For I know the…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11

My mother “gave” me this Bible verse when I was born, then again on a plaque before I went off to college. I hold this verse so very near and dear to my heart. Not only does it show that God is with me and has already made a way for me, but also that my mother believes in me. So if I just trust and believe in the Lord that he will lead me to a happy, prosperous future, how can I go wrong? When I start to feel lost, I just remember that God has given me incredible talent, and if I use them according to his will and his plan, I should never worry or be afraid. He’s always got me. 

 

Thank you, mama.