Let’s Talk: What I’ve Learned

I just thought I would take the time and talk about my life at this point, since I haven’t in a while. I know these posts are usually unimportant- they don’t get a lot of “likes” or anything. I don’t even know if anyone reads these, but I do them, mostly, for me. You are welcome to keep reading. You never know, you might learn something.

I have just completed the first semester of my junior year of college. Five semesters of college completed. Three more to go. That’s really hard to wrap my mind around! I’ve been sitting up here reminiscing, looking at pictures from high school. Just in awe that in a couple years, I’ll be in law school. I looked up and friends are getting engaged and having babies– like, seriously, real life starting FAMILIES. It’s crazy. The girls I called “big sisters” in high school have houses, and husbands, degrees and careers. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and how far my friends have come. I’m really blessed with like minded, motivated individuals in my life.

I just remember thinking about how excited I was in high school to graduate and go to college. I just knew college was going to be everything I ever wanted and more. School has always been my thing. Good grades; getting involved. All that. I remember how I knew things would be difficult. But OH MY GOD, I didn’t know they would be THIS difficult. I can say in all honesty that being an adult is OVERRATED. Yes, yes, I love the freedom and I’m proud of my accomplishments thus far, but things were so simple once upon a time. My senior year of high school was the golden year of my life. I had a car, school at that point wasn’t easy, but it was routine; I had a boyfriend that loved me, my parents were super proud, college acceptances were rolling in and I was gearing up for graduation! Life was beautiful!

On my 18th birthday, I simultaneously: legally became an adult, moved out my house, and started college. ALL IN ONE DAY. My 18th birthday was freshmen move in day at school. So life changed in 24 hours, and it hasn’t been the same since. You quickly learn that college isn’t just about classes and learning from books… oh no. College is 75% learning important lessons about LIFE in general from your mistakes. Whether those mistakes be in school, in your love life, or dealing with people in general. College gives you a four year PASS to screw up and learn from it before you have to go out in the real world and screw up and no one is there to help you! I’ve run into some of the most backwards thinking, selfish, intolerant, rude, self-centered, disorganized, unprioritized (this isn’t a word, I know), dishonest people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in the last 3 years of my life. I’ve called these people friends and, sadly, “boo” lol.

Now this isn’t a rant meant to rag on college or even the people I’ve encountered. Oh no… this is actually me stopping and taking the time to account for all of my blessings. I’ve learned so much about life and more importantly about myself even just in this semester of school! It was like turning 20, opened my eyes up a little bit. It was a small wake up call. I realized that I wanted more than what I was getting out of life. I was settling. Turning 20 made me realize that I’m “in my twenties”. That phase of life began for me, and I want to make the most of it! I’m young, I’m talented, I’m educated, I’m motivated and I’m stubborn and I don’t take “no” for an answer. So as I sat and thought about how awesome my high school experience was, I realized that I’m not doing all I can to make my 20s and my college years (what’s left of them) even more awesome! It’s my time to work hard and play hard.

So this semester this is exactly what I did, and y’all…

I’m exhausted! I’m happy, and I’m exhausted. I haven’t accomplished everything I set out to accomplish this year, but I’m getting there. It’s a work in progress. I plan on working even harder and playing even harder in 2015 because all I have to say is… 21st birthday. I’m trying to make good grades, make some money, and have a good time somewhere in between. Needless to say, I don’t sleep much, but that’s okay! I sleep well in those little 4-5 hours when my bills are paid and my GPA is   a 3.5+. I’m blessed beyond measure. Sure, life isn’t as easy as it once was and there are some things that get me down along the way, but I just try to learn from them and keep pushing. I know there’s a plan for me, and my future is so bright if I just keep living and learning and loving the way God intended me to. So on that note, this semester has been the craziest thus far. So much happened, good and bad, but I’ve taken a lot away from it all.

I’ve learned that this life is what you make it to be. Your outlook on it is everything. Make it to be exactly what you want it to be or close to it. It’s your life and your happiness. Only you depend on it, so make it beautiful! 

Good Morning

It’s miraculous.

The wind blows and I feel my soul shift.

I feel the wind blow and my problems lift.

The sunrise and the sunset,

The Glory of God,

I am not soon to forget.

Another day has come,

and another day will go.

Blessed beyond measure.

Blessed more than you’ll know.

The Sun awakens and grazes all that is and

All that ever will be.

The Sun awakens and awakens the Life inside me.

No greater sight to behold,

than the slightest tilt of the Earth on its axis-

than the Earth reaching out of the darkness,

right out to the heartless, and

into the morning light.

It’s a miraculous thing-

To know,

to treasure,

to revel in all that is Life.

In all that is Love.

Big, Beautiful Heart

She loves all of him,
Whether or not he knows.
Silly girl,
Waiting while he grows.

She doesn’t want to change him,
And she couldn’t if she tried.
He says he cares,
And she knows he lied.

This isn’t a love story;
This isn’t her fairytale.
She knows she can’t have him…
She knows all too well.

She’s strong and fearless,
Beautiful, she will move on.
But that doesn’t mean her love is gone.

Someone pray for her heart.
Pray for her heart.
She loves much too strong.
That big beautiful heart
Always seems to get it wrong.

Someone keep her heart safe.
She loves without regard.
Keep safe, that strong tower,
Her big beautiful heart.

Never Be The Same

Standing here,

trying to marvel in the world’s beauty 

in the way I once saw it

it’s not the same.

we saw it together,

and now that you’re gone,

my vision has changed,

and it’ll probably never be the same

I grew with you,

and learned to live and love with you.

The image of the world I created will never…

never be the same.

So here I am,

Twenty years old and trying

to learn the world all over again.

I’m no longer overwhelmed with shock and awe,

or left breathless at the sights or sounds,

Because there’s no you.

It’ll never be right;

It’ll never be the same,

and I’ll never be the same.

 

Life: Don’t Force It.

I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I apologize. I’ve been struggling trying to find a decent job and dealing with some personal things. Trust me, I attempted to just rant everything out on here but it would’ve taken so much background story– it just wasn’t worth it.

 

BUT, I’m moving on. I actually turned down a job offer because I just felt like it wasn’t my thing, and as for that thing in my social life, yeah well, it’s yet to work itself out. I honestly can’t tell you what direction that’s headed in. 

I guess what I’ve taken from all of this is: you really can’t force things to work for you. For instance, I was really trying my best with that job. I declined it at the interview, but I thought I’d give it a shot. Midway through the first day of training and I was just like *crickets* this is CANNOT be my life, so I called in the next day and was like “thanks, but no thanks”. I didn’t wanna be a quitter and that’s what it felt like but, I couldn’t force myself to be in a situation I was unhappy with. Yes, I do need to earn money and gain experience…. don’t honestly think that could’ve helped me.

As for that situation with my personal life, that can’t be forced either. When something is withering and it seems like it’s run it’s course, there’s only so long you can fight for it until you have to realize that that just might not be for you anymore. I’m not saying anything definite right now. I’m still confused really. But… I’m saying that you can only fight for something so long until you have to accept that it’s not going to happen (right now).  Moving on is very difficult. Accepting that someone may not be present in your life anymore- especially when they’ve been a staple in your life- is very hard. But right now, I’m on this journey of complete and total peace, acceptance, and shamelessness. I’m tired of being afraid of losing or being afraid of change. That’s so annoying because it’s inevitable. So, I’m open to all of the possibilities. 

 

To end this little update, I guess that’s what this is– I just want to say, it’s great to fight for what you want and things you believe in, but in some cases, you have to know when to lay things to rest before you ruin a good thing or you make yourself or someone else unhappy. Life is tricky and scary and there are surprises and obstacles that are going to tackle you ever so often. Just stand your ground, make good decisions for YOUR life, and keep moving forward. It’s all about making today beautiful and knowing that tomorrow is full of promise. 

 

xoxo, Mia